


24

by HeadlinesBreadlinesBlowMyMind



Category: Rent - Larson
Genre: Angst, F/M, tw suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 01:22:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17397389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadlinesBreadlinesBlowMyMind/pseuds/HeadlinesBreadlinesBlowMyMind
Summary: Roger, Mark and April’s thoughts during that day





	1. Roger

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh???? I tried something new ig. I want this to be multiple parts but I’m shit at updating so idk 
> 
> I’ve had this idea for forever and I’ve written a ton of fics that follow this kind of timestamp thingy, but this was the only one I liked enough to post lmao

7:34 AM 

I have to go to work, I overslept and didn’t have any time to get ready. All I did was throw on some clothes that were already scattered around my room, I didn’t eat or go to the bathroom. I’ll have to do that when I get to work. April wasn’t in bed, she must have left already. 

10:12 AM

I hate this job, too many people, too much noise. I want to be alone. Preferably with my guitar and my friends, I can’t wait to get wasted again. All my problems seem to go away. There should be some weed left after Collins was over yesterday. Maybe some extra beers if I’m lucky too. 

01:46 PM

I wonder what April is doing, I hope she’s okay. 

03:22 PM

I can go home soon, the last hour always lasts the longest. Thank God. I need to sleep, need to talk to someone about how crap working makes me feel. Fuck this. 

04:07 PM

Need to go home, need to go home, need to go home. 

05:54 PM 

I can’t find April. She should be home by now, right? I asked Mark, he didn’t know either. I miss her. She’s safe right? She has to be. 

06:01 PM

Where the fuck is she?! 

06:36 PM

I found her 

Fuck

I wish I never did 

11:00 PM

Why why why why why 

I need her 

Does she not like me anymore? 

I’m useless


	2. Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark’s day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this one has graphic descriptions of how April looked after committing suicide, so don’t read it if that bothers you.

08:10 AM

Roger is already gone, I should leave too. The apartment feels so empty when it’s only me. Emptier today. Maybe I’m just tired. Need air, need to film. 

08:23 AM

It’s cold. Seems Benny turned off the electricity again. I’ll go outside, maybe stay in a mall for a bit to warm up. Today is unusually cold. If you’d ask Roger he’d probably just say I’m delusional. I freeze too much. 

10:07 AM

The mall is nice. Not so nice when I can’t buy anything, but still relaxing. People stress me out, now they’re relaxing. I can blend into the background, nobody cares how I feel. I’m more alone here with hundreds of people than I am when it’s only me and Roger. 

11:33 AM 

Can’t find inspiration for my film. I’m hungry. 

03:57 PM

Roger is off work soon. I should head home. He likes to talk when he’s back and I don’t want to let him down. He’s all I have. I can prove I’m more than just a disappointment like my dad keeps saying. 

05:42 PM

He is stressed. I don’t like it. I feel like he will yell at me. I want to know where April is. I want to help him. Perhaps my dad was right. This is all my fault. 

06:40 PM

Oh no. I’m sorry. Poor Roger. He saw her first. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks stained with mascara. Both her sleeves were cut open and covered in dried blood. The bathtub was full of it. Some had dripped on the floor, it was all stained. Roger ran out as fast as he could, but I couldn’t stop staring. The girl I had always seen as vibrant and alive was dead. She had slit her wrists, let herself bleed to death in our fucking bathtub and made us have to deal with the consequences. I know it’s not right and I never did, but I wanted to film it. This was real and heartbreaking and so fucking ironic. She seemed so happy, and now she was staining our bathroom in her blood. She was the one who killed herself, but if I asked, I’m sure Roger would say he was the one she killed. 

07:13 PM

I wish he was happy. I wish I could help. I can’t, and I never could. Stupid me. Stupid Mark. I’m so fucked. I’m such a horrible piece of shit. Why didn’t I kill myself?! I was the one who deserved it. 

But

I have to be there for Roger. I know I can’t help, but I can’t leave him. Now, I’m all he has too.


	3. April

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April’s thought process doing what she felt she had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like Hella GraphicTM and naturally there’s a scene where she kills herself so big trigger warning.

06:49 AM

The bedroom is cold, or am I just nervous? This will be the biggest decision of my life, perhaps even the last? I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell him. I can’t tell him. I wish I didn’t have to. This isn’t just a small issue we can deal with, this is huge. It’s my fault. I never should’ve pressured him into sticking that god damn needle up his arm. I wish I could apologize. It’s too late. 

I know what I have to do. 

07:07 AM

I left the note. I’m sure he wants answers to why I’m doing this. I just can’t bring myself to write it. All it says is that we’re positive. I’m sorry Roger, you deserve much more than this, you deserve much more than me. 

My eyes are hurting. I couldn’t sleep. I don’t want to do this. It seems to be the only option. I hope Roger finds a different one. 

The razor blade feels cold against my skin. I start pushing it into my skin. My arm slightly parts and blood starts forming in the wound. I can easily tell it’s not deep enough. I have to try harder. 

I push again, dragging it slowly up from my wrist to my elbow. I clench my jaw so I won’t make a sound. I have to do this now, it will be a million times worse if I’m saved and I have to explain all of this to Roger in person. I feel too guilty, I can’t do this. The cut fills quickly with dark red blood. It runs down both sides of my arm and continues on in the bathtub. I have to stop myself from looking at it so much, so I can continue on my other sleeve. It’s harder. I’m already feeling dizzy and doing it with my left hand is extremely difficult. I finally get the hang of it, the cut is way less straight than the other one, and not as deep. Hopefully the first one did the trick. 

I continue staring down at all the blood running off my arms and into the bathtub. It’s horrible and awful to look at, but I’m relieved. Happy even. I know what I’m doing this unfair. I hope I’m forgiven soon. My body feels heavy and my thoughts are drifting away. It almost cancels out the stinging in my sleeves. It just feels like a distant pain. Like my brain is dissociating from it. 

I’m sorry Roger, I love y,,,


End file.
